Gregoria man
Preamble
Shockingly, one unnamed Gregoria man recently managed to hand-build a type of ship known as a sloop. How he managed is as of yet unclear, but an interview revealed the following.
Interview
According to the rambling Gregoria man:
Quote
Pepe wake up.
Pepe have dream.
Dream not about food.
Not about iron.
Not about goat.
Dream about big floaty wood thing.
Pepe say:
Today, Pepe make sloop.
Sun rise.
Bird chirp.
Brain smooth.
Pepe grab scaffold.
Pepe place scaffold.
Look good.
Pepe place more scaffold.
Still good.
Pepe place weird corner scaffold.
Now not good.
Pepe squint at ghost blueprint in sky.
Blueprint say:
Wrong.
Pepe say:
No. You wrong.
Pepe break scaffold.
Pepe place scaffold again.
Still wrong.
Pepe walk to other side.
Place scaffold.
Still wrong.
Pepe crouch.
Place scaffold.
Still wrong.
Pepe jump.
Place scaffold.
Still wrong.
Pepe spin around three times like village shaman.
Place scaffold.
Still wrong.
Pepe now in battle against block.
Block winning.
Hour pass.
Maybe two hour.
Maybe entire stone age.
Pepe has removed and added same scaffold
one million times.
At this point scaffold no longer boat material.
It is now personal enemy.
Pepe stare at corner piece.
Corner piece stare back.
Pepe whisper:
Why you not register...
Game whisper back:
Ooga.
Pepe add planks.
Pepe add bolts.
Pepe add hope.
Nothing.
No blue hammer.
No happy boat.
Only pain.
Pepe become angry mammal.
Pepe rip scaffold off.
Put scaffold back.
Rip scaffold off.
Put scaffold back.
Again.
Again.
Again.
At this point, even nearby goat know the routine.
Goat watching like:
Bro…
Pepe finally learn cursed truth:
It not scaffold.
It cleat.
Tiny evil goblin cleat.
Wrong direction.
Wrong vibe.
Wrong universe.
Pepe destroy half boat like enraged cave architect.
Pepe remove scaffold around cursed cleat.
Place cleat.
Remove cleat.
Place cleat.
Remove scaffold.
Place scaffold.
Remove scaffold.
Place scaffold.
Pepe now no longer building sloop.
Pepe performing ancient ritual of stupidity.
Then…
By complete accident…
Pepe break one random correct cleat
and place it back.
Suddenly:
BLUE HAMMER APPEAR
Sky open.
Choir sing.
Monkey brain activate.
Pepe fall to knees.
UGHHHHH. BOAT ACCEPT PEPE.
After endless suffering,
after ten thousand scaffolds,
after enough replacing and removing
to build an entire navy,
the sloop finally register.
Pepe not feel joy.
Pepe feel only emptiness.
And maybe a little pride.
Pepe step back and look at boat.
Boat beautiful.
Boat majestic.
Boat made from wood, bolts,
and pure concentrated caveman rage.
Pepe raise fist to sky and declare:
Pepe not smart.
Pepe not efficient.
But Pepe stubborn.
And now Pepe have sloop.
Nearby goat nod in silence.
We don't know what it means either, but the man seemed very excited about his accomplishment.
